Skinny Season

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As a blogger/woman/human I feel like most people can relate to me when I say that I spend way more time than I should thinking about my weight. As a society, most of us let our size weigh heavily (pun intended) on our feelings of self worth. I’ve been relatively the same size for the past five years (though always sounding like Regina George with a “I need to lose three pounds” on the tip of my tongue).

This past winter, call it stress, call it a break up, call it general laziness (or call it winter) but I have gained 12 pounds for the first time since high school. To most people this may be negligible, or barely noticeable to anyone who isn’t close to me, but for me it has been agonizing. Going up a pant size made the difference between walking out the door everyday feeling my most confident and walking out the door feeling like a lardy blob of laziness who was having trouble getting it together. It is at this point when weight gain becomes less about appearance than it does on the seriously negative impact I was allowing it to have on how I felt pretty much every second of every day (brutal honesty here).

Anyway, I have always maintained a pretty strenuous and proactive workout regimen, and was fairly certain that my new gut was from drinking too much wine and eating whole bags of granola like every two days (my bad). So after consistent attempts at dieting for the past 5 months, I decided to buy the Skinny Mint Teatox because their Instagram marketing is as effective as I am at finishing bags of granola (in other words, I was super sold on it).

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I was convinced that if I drank this tea and kept my regular work out routine, I would end the Teatox looking like Adriana Lima and feeling like Richard Simmons. Just to be completely transparent about the nature of the rest of this post, please read the following disclaimer:

I paid full price for this Teatox; it was in no way sponsored by Skinny Mint (though if you’d like to send me some more then please feel free to reach out). I’m not a doctor or medical professional, so my personal experience is not meant to be advice. Furthermore, I am about to get brutally honest, so if you have a weak stomach/ever plan on dating me/find me attractive I am about to ruin all that for you.But as all my girlfriends/Instagram “friends” seem so super interested in whether or not I am being truthful about how the Teatox went, I feel I have no choice but to be blunt.

So, did it meet my expectations? In a word, no. I’m basically the same size. Though to be fair, my teatox was punctuated with a trip to Vegas AND a trip to San Fran where instead of working out I drank my weight in vodka (the Teatox says you are not supposed to drink, so I compromised and picked the least caloric alcohol). I will tell you what it did do (it is at this point that I ask if you happen to be male and of moderate attractiveness you ex out of this tab): it made me go to the bathroom more than I thought it was possible for a human to do….every day…for a month. Like, this is the first time in my life I have had to as myself “Is it possible that I actually have to go to the bathroom again?” And all month the answer was “Yes, do it quickly.” Skinny Mint does advise that the tea can have a light to moderate laxative affect, which I think is where most of the weight loss comes from, and in my case it was a blessing and a curse.

I mean, the tea made meΒ feelΒ thin. I was way less bloated the whole time I was on it, and felt energized. I liked having the tea as part of my day, and it was nice to have that at night as a bedtime routine. I think had I been stricter about my diet it would aid in having sustainable and obvious results. However, I literally was anxious when I was not around a bathroom, and felt like it was obvious while I was at work or with friends that I was using the restroom…a lot. So, I intend to do the teatox again actually, when I don’t have a ton of vacations lined up. I think I need to be stuck in a routine with it so that I can make sure my diet plan is on point, and I do think that it can really help you lose weight. I just felt like I needed to be transparent with people about the main way I feel teatox impacted my size and weight loss. Additionally, it did nothing to surprise my appetite, which is something that they advertise. I am a beast. I eat like a vegetarian sumo wrestler. But I would still recommend it. If you buy it I would LOVE to hear your experience!

So what have we learned here? (Besides that I have just been really open about poop on the internet.) Well, Teatoxing takes commitment, and involves a lot more than just drinking the tea. Furthermore, why is my sport’s bra in such a bunch over one pant size. I (and you) really need to chill the f*ck out. The more we obsess over our bodies the less time we have for enjoying every day of our lives. I know I really need to cut back on the granola…and the wine…and probably several other indulgences, but I generally live a really healthy lifestyle, and I am hoping as the summer season kicks in the weight will drop off as I go hiking and running outside more. As a side note- can I just tell you guys that these are literally the most comfortable running shoes I have EVER worn. They are so bouncy, I feel like I am jogging on a trampoline when I run along the pavement. I run a few times a week (mostly very short distances with my corgi) and I much prefer my Ryka’s to Nikes.

If you have any questions about the Teatox, please feel free to e-mail me, and I hope that this post was of some help. For my next one I promise to take comprehensive before and after photos so that we can all be the judge of how well it worked!

From Head to Toe:

Top: Etsy, Pants: c/o Lysse, Shoes: c/o Ryka
Photos by Anabella V Photography

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